Why I’m moving to Brooklyn to live with my daughter

The Decision

This is crazy. Straight crazy. Even I know that.

Yes, it’s my birthday month (no one asked but it’s important).

Yes, I’m turning 54 in two weeks and it’s in my crawl.

Yes, I’m feeling a bit stuck professionally.

Yes, I did the right thing putting my kids first and my career second.

And, no, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Buuuuuut……part of me wonders. What if?

I started doing stand-up when I turned 30, just after the birth of my daughter, Jacqueline.

I had two kids and was soon pregnant with my third, Brooke (aka Birdie). I worked in NY with some success -a regular spot at Gotham Comedy Club, a national hosting gig with Real Simple TV and I landed a few commercials but with three kids in tow and the 5 hour round-trip to NY, I just couldn’t keep it up.

Twenty-four years later, Jacqueline is doing stand-up, Dean is acting and Bird just started student teaching.

I’ve successfully launched three beautiful humans, I’m about to turn 54 and I find myself wondering, “What would happen if I tried?”

Asking myself this question has lead to some pretty interesting things - an Off-Broadway show, a board game, Grand Marshall of “Chardonnay Day” and a vibrant community of online (and now, real-life) friends.

Other times, this same question has led to some pretty dumb things as well.

But, no matter result…all the times I’ve put myself out there, it’s been exciting.

While I’m sure we can all agree, there aren’t a ton of 54 year old “break-outs” in the entertainment business, Jean Smart IS killing it at 75, so there’s hope.

The other side of the coin, I miss my kids.

I miss laughing with them, being annoyed by them and complaining about them.

A few weeks ago I took three trains just to sit on Jacqueline’s bed with her and Dean to just BE in their presence for 30 minutes. If not, I wouldn’t have seen them for a month and since I’m Italian, that’s just too long. Being in NY a few days a week allows me to sneak into some of their shows, try and get some stand-up spots in the city, take acting classes and start auditioning again. And, of course, be home enough to see Bird, my mom and Jason and his kids.

A few months ago, I was positive this was a good idea.

A week ago, I was excitedly picking out things for my BIG move.

As I pack up this morning, things feel different. Scary.

But that’s what doing something different looks like, right?

We’re supposed to do things that make us nervous, make our stomachs hurt and make us want to crawl back into bed.

But today, I chose danger. (And by danger I mean, how the F am I going to put my Koala Couch/Bed together, move all my shit and figure out how the trains work by 9am Friday for a warm-up gig I have in Manhattan)

The clock is ticking, so wish me luck!

Shits’ about to get real.